Pete_LeGrant September 28, 2009 Old Skool 223 views Comments Print This Post  Email This Post

Pekin, Illinois.  Brian Hepperone still regrets his decision to allow a “skinny dude” to start during the semifinals of the 1998 Nintendo Ice Hockey World Championships.

In Nintendo Ice Hockey (NIH), which came out in 1988, the player creates a team of 4 players from a set of 3 types of hockey player:

• “Fat dudes” are very slow but have a powerful shot and strong checking ability
• “Medium dudes” are average in everything
• “Skinny dudes” are very fast, have a weak shot and cannot check very well.

Hepperone took his Team USA to the semis in 1998 after destroying Matt Townsend’s Team Sweden in the quarterfinals 12-2 with his patented 4-fat-dudes “trapezoidal offense.”

Hepperone lost badly to Paul Grand’s Team USSR in the semis 18-4. Hepperone looks back on his disastrous decision: “I deviated from the tested plan of going with either 4 fat dudes or 3 fat dudes and one medium dude,” he said. “I don’t know what the fuck possessed me to put in a skinny dude. That little bastard did nothing but scrape himself off the ice all game and sit in the penalty box.”

Hepperone has not returned to the pinnacle of his NIH career and officially retired from NIH competition in 2001, although he said that he will return to competition if MLG decides to create a pro NIH league.

Grand still revels in Hepperone’s strategic error: “I squeal with glee every time I go back to that moment. I remember seeing old Hepperone  pick the skinny dude at the lineup screen. I knew it was gamefuckingover. His skinny dude was powerless against my 4 fat dudes. I think he ended up in the penalty box, like, 8 times. Epic fail!”

“If I saw that skinny dude on the street today, I’d shout, ‘IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT’,” Grand added.